How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
