someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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