So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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