But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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