I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
