i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
