Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
