you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Even my vagina gasped.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
