woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm getting married
To pizza
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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