I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
