So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize