dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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