Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
