he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
