Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
this will be a night to untag.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
