....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
