i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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