You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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