Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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