I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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