I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
