If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
