I have demons in me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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