umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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