is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
