Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize