I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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