My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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