You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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