i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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