He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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