If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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