I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
