All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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