drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
