I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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