How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
