lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
