I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
