yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize