just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
