also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think I won the penis lottery.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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