i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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