Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
