I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
