my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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