He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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