Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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