idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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