Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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