Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
