Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
