You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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