There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
