I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
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I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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