Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
