How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
These tits shall not be calmed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
