I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
