I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
