Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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