My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
