dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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