Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
The ass gains better be worth it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
