Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
