i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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