Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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