So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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