last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize