there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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