Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
