please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
