Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
