Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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