I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
