You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
this boner is exhausting
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
