I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
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Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this