Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory