I have demons in me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
