4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."