Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
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Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
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Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.