You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.