if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Farmville is her only friend.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.