well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting