He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.