I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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