Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
