Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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