guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
A bitchslap is in order.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
