dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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