you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
