Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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