i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
